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Sep 26, 2009, 11:56 AM
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Member Since: Aug 2009
Location: Fringes of the bell-shaped curve
Posts: 779
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   Hi, (((((Zen))))). Good for you placing the ad - good start.
Re: Bathroom - One of my past pdocs said to me about my family's physical, emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse, "You're here now - you survived that past abuse - now you are working on healing the wounds." Your father/abuser has already taken so much away from you, but now he's gone - do not allow him to continue to abuse you by abusing yourself for him - do not punish yourself for what he did. Believe me, I know just how hard this is to do, but I assure you that it can be done. You need to take your bathroom back and turn it into a "safe" place - make it your own, not his. Everytime you walk in that bathroom, declare out loud, "This is MY bathroom and you father/abuser cannot come in - you are NOT welcome here." Perform a "ritualistic" cleaning - scrub everything down to symbolically remove every trace of him - remove the contamination. You're going shopping next week - pick up a few things to make your bathroom yours - turn it into your personal "spa" filled with things that comfort you - soft, pretty towels, scented bath salts, pretty colored bath puffs, scented candles, pretty bottles of perfume and lotions - just fill it with everything that is YOU.
Re: Your friend's talk about Africa - sounds like it would be really interesting and then going out for coffee with her afterwards would be really good for you.
Re: Referral for mental health care - you are not being rude or pushy to ask your doctor about getting treatment that you need. It is his responsibility to advocate for you. You have been waiting since March - make certain that you are on a waiting list at least, otherwise you have already waited all this time for nothing.
You are doing pretty well - taking positive step after positive step. Be patient with yourself - you can't do everything at once - just little step by little step. Perhaps you could list everyday what you accomplished that day and reward yourself for each and every accomplishment instead of focusing on the negatives in your life, it would help you begin to attain a more positive perspective on everything - would energize you rather than dragging you down further. Please keep posting and updating us on your progress.
__________________
"I walked a mile with Pleasure; she chattered all the way, But left me none the wiser for all she had to say. I walked a mile with Sorrow and ne'er a word said she; But oh, the things I learned from her when Sorrow walked with me!"
(Robert Browning Hamilton; "Along The Road")
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