Thank you Calista and Elsyium. It helps to hear that it is ok to go slowly. I was writing things down yesterday and today I am not. I feel like it was enough to do it yesterday. Maybe I will write again tomorrow. Weekends are harder b/c it there is less structure. But I am keeping busy constantly. I dont feel like leaving the house today, but there is a lot for me to do in the house with my small children.

I do want to remember things from when I was a child, but I dont. When I have remembered something, I feel like I just dont want to go back there, Im glad I am not there and Ive had enough. But memories come at me. This new t was telling me it was overwhelming for me, I think I said something that didnt make sense.....it was sort of out of context or something. I am afraid I'll go to therapy and be silent. I hate to have to make her work so hard.

Elysium- you said you are scared also to lose this coping mechanism. What would you replace it with ? It is something I have done forever. It feels very comfortable. I feel very protected and safe when I can "go" even if I dont really know at that moment that I go.

When I began with my other t I was talking about nothing for about 8 months. Last January I started to work on deeper things b/c I wasnt doing so well and a lot more became obvious. I dont want to talk about nothing for the next 8 months with this new t. I need to get better but I dont really know her or feel safe yet.
Maybe I am pressuring myself unnecessarily. I guess things will move along at a natural pace.