[quote=treehouse;1150093]Honestly, just by showing up for therapy the first time. Right away, there you are, with another person, beginning this journey together. After that, it's been by being honest about what I'm feeling about him, and about the relationship, even if it's hard.[quote]
I am always struck by your honesty. On the boards and with your t. You are right there with your feelings and you express them. And you express yourself so well and so clearly. I get this awful delay. Sometimes I can be there in the moment with how I feel, but if I am scared and it is in therapy and the relationship is important, there is this delay and I dont know I am upset until later when it feels too late.
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About 2 months into therapy, I had a HORRIBLE session. T and I were totally missing each other, he wasn't hearing me and was making everything worse, and I thought he was being awful on purpose so I would leave and never come back. It was a Friday and I cried ALL weekend. It was awful. When I saw him on Monday, I was totally honest about how I felt about what happened.
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I am in awe. This is amazing. I am learning from you tree. I just dont know if I can be so honest. It is scary. Especially since this t (desk t) didnt respond well AT ALL to my honesty. She stopped my in mid-sentence- literally. I am afraid ftt will say, then I guess I am not the t for you....we dont connect.....whatever. I will be abandoned once again.
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He totally listened, owned his part in it, and really sincerely apologized. He said that he should just shut down his practice because he had been so awful lol  The appointment was a BIG DEAL and, looking back, it felt like when therapy really started for me. And T's receptiveness to what I said to him made me feel like I could always bring things up - even little things - about the relationship, and I have.
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I would imagine that would be a turning point. You can trust him to be there. To not turn you away or dislike you. He was constant and safe. He is amazing. In a room like that I would think it would be a safe place to talk about anything.
The relationship has to grow. That is the way relationships are and I cant push or rush myself.
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As for not remembering your childhood...you can just talk about not remembering it. And talk about the things you DO remember. Just start where you are...that's all you have to do.
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OK- I'll do that. I remember feelings and some incidents. I did remember quite a bit this past year but I dont think I could go there with someone I didnt know. Im sure my t would know that trust would be an issue.
Thanks- I hope she is good, she works with people with my issues. And she was highly recommended and her schedule is full....which is a good sign....