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lynn09 · Sep 26, 2009, 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zen888

I am still struggling with the same thing. I miss my brother and hate him at the same time. How do I move on when all I can think about is what a giant void he has left in my life?

Hey, (((Zen))). Why not start out by writing down specifically what constitutes the "giant void" that your brother has left in your life? What specifically is now missing from your life that your brother previously provided? His insults? His dismissive and condescending attitude? I don't think that you truly miss your brother specifically - I think what you miss is a close connection with another person. I truly think that "void" has been there all along - and you wanted your brother to fill it - you tried to force yourself to believe that he was filling it because that's what you wanted him to do - but look back through your posts in this thread - you wanted him to fulfill a particular role in your life - more than that, you wanted him to WANT to fulfill a particular role in your life. Truth is, though, he never really has and simply cannot or does not want to do so now. You must find the means to fill that void yourself - you must create a strong support structure around you of trained professionals to provide you the assistance and treatment you need, and to help you develop necessary coping and survival skills. You have tunnel vision right now - you are still focusing on your brother instead of focusing on what support and assistance you need to be able to live as independently as possible. What if your brother lived in another state or country and was not within reach? You would have to find a way to take care of yourself and provide for your needs without his assistance. You cannot place that kind of pressure and responsibility on one person; and it isn't fair to your brother to expect him to replace your father - and it isn't fair to you, either.

Give it a try (((Zen))). Write down everything you have difficulty doing without assistance - put each item on a separate page. Then write down on each page what things you can do to handle each item yourself. If necessary, take these to your regular doctor and discuss the situation with him and ask him to advocate for you in getting you the appropriate treatment and assistance that you need. Let us know how you are progressing - we'll hear you and give you whatever support we can. You can do this, (((Zen))).