((((((((blue))))))) i am so not calling you bm!

i know everyone is different so it sounds like you need to find what would work the best for you. if it were me i'd do a phone call or letter but that is because i abhor confrontation. a letter, even if you don't send it, can really help you figure out what you want to say as well. but then you have to think if it would be harder for you to send it and not get any response. would that drive you nuts? a phone call might be a good compromise so you're able to get feedback but it will most likely be fairly brief so she won't be able to affect you as much if she's acting like a big poop in the sky.

it's totally okay to still care for her but not want her as your t. i think that is just how relationships are--a mix of good and bad. and it's ok to be sad about it ending and grieve the loss of what you had hoped for that she didn't know how to provide. isn't that really all we can do and then move on? it seems like you've learned a lot from this experience too. it has made you really seek out what you do need rather than accept just crumbs from another t. i guess that is what it takes for many of us to change sometimes. i am so that way and it drives me nuts.