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January · Sep 27, 2009, 01:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KathyM

Pachy's question wasn't funny to me.

It makes me extremely nervous because my sister is in town. I used to be a clean freak too and always lived in nice surroundings. Due to my illness (amyloidosis), my husband has had to take over all those duties in addition to his work. He never was very good at housekeeping, but it never mattered to me when I had the ability to do it myself. Our home needs a lot of work done, but we don't have the money or manpower to do it ourselves.

Whenever my sister comes to visit, I've always managed to have the house clean and ready for her. This time I was too ill to lift a finger, and wouldn't allow my husband to do any heavy cleaning because he has a bad back and a torn tendon in his shoulder that needs to heal. It's also "mouse season."

I have a rather strange collection of stuff too. To strangers, it looks like junk - worthless to them, priceless to me. They are mementos and reminders of places I've been and people I've seen in my life - little gifts I've received along the way. I would be furious if anyone took it upon themselves to throw it all away.

It is my most heartfelt and sincere desire to die in my own home. The thought of living in a nursing home and being dependent on strangers absolutely TERRIFIES me. I don't need or want to extend my life any longer than nature intended. I only want a little respect in my "golden years," and to pass on quietly in my own home.

I can see that look of judgment in my sister's face, and I'm so afraid someone will convince her to take action against my husband and have me placed in a nursing home.

I hope and pray my sister will not disrespect me.

I would suggest a serious conversation with your loved ones about "end of life" desires. Not everyone wants to live in a nursing home, and not everyone wants to live forever.

Thank you for your input KathyM. You and Mom share many of the same fears. Since you are married, wouldn't your husband be the one who would be your helper, and you his, instead of your sister?

Your suggestion of discussing with your loved one his/her "end of life" desires is very wise. We have known Mom's wishes since I was a child. She doesn't want to live in a nursing home. Her illnesses have brought everything to a head so that we have to take action and move things and clean them out to make room for her to safely use a walker in her house and have room for a hospital bed. This is no small undertaking on our part, nor is it a cavalier decision. My Mom doesn't want to live in a nursing home. She is in the rehabilitation center learning how to walk again, use the potty, etc, so she can come back to her home.

I feel very guilty that none of us caught on as to how Mom was hiding things from us and that she lived in a dirty house. I don't mean dusty or cluttered, I mean dirty. My Mom deserved better than that from all of us and we all failed her.