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Originally Posted by treehouse
Ahhh, but knowing how I feel IN THE MOMENT really isn't something I'm good at, at all. I have always tended to dissociate, or at the very least kind of zone out, and really have no way of knowing what I feel in the moment. Like, in the incident I told you about, on that Friday early in therapy, I just "left" for most of the session. It took a lot of slow-motion processing over the weekend to figure out what I was feeling,and then I wrote it all down over and over again, and THEN I was able to bring it to him on the following Monday. That's how it went for a LONG time.
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You have come such a long way. So you wrote down what you had been feeling in the session? What you remembered? That was a difficult session, but you were able to process your feelings by writing it down? This is so opposite from what desk-t had wanted me to do. She would get mad that I was spending time writing things down when I could be with my kids.
When I feel something at all uncomfortable I immediately do something, anything, to leave. I would have to go slooooow. Moment by moment in the session.
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I am slowly beginning to recognize my feelings DURING session, and that is a huge step forward. HUGE. And sometimes I am able to be present enough to feel them AND express them right then. (Sometimes!) It took a long time and a lot of practice. The thing is, even if you don't realize what you are feeling until later, it's still okay to bring it up. 
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That is good to read. I am in awe at how your t has worked with you. I hope my t will be as patient with me as he is with you. Sometimes, like with my kids for example, I can be there with my feelings, but those are usually not feelings I am afraid of. Maybe it has t do with being less afraid of feelings in a safe place. Feeling like its OK to feel it and my t is with me.
I wrote things down from the posts from this thread. What you (and everyone) said to me brings up a lot that I can talk about with her.
I have never ever talked in an honest way about my relationship with a therapist. You know how dismissive desk-t is with relationship conversation, and with my previous t, there wasnt much real honesty there. With a new t, I cannot imagine it, I guess I'll post a lot. Its going to take a lot of writing and positng to figure out what is going on with my feelings.