I thank God, I did have time with him, and also shortly before he died in the hospital.
Due to trach. etc, he could no longer speak so we would have him write on a clipboard, he gave up with that, he knew he was dieing, it broke both of our hearts. He still could lip what he wanted to say, and it was "I love you kiddo and do not ever forget that". I told him, "daddy, I love you too".
I had to get back up north to home had stuff to take care of and then I thought I'd go back but it was too late, but at least I had that chance, we even were able to give a kiss goodbye.
I think I will check out grief support group that our local med center sponsers, it might help.
Thanks for your replies, dear people.

DE