Pup, I'm so sorry. I have the same problem as you. I did the exact thing you do when I was younger, middle school age. Now my OCD comes in many different forms. I check, count, and do odd little rituals. All to help me fight the anxiety caused by those bad, dirty, evil, hateful, violent thoughts. Somedays I just give in and go to sleep. Other days I am stronger to fight it. My T recommended me doing treatment at an OCD clinic here in CA which uses ERP. Ick, I don't know what to do, but I am sending you