My Support Forums - View Single Post - How do you tell your mom she sucks at her job?

Elysium · Sep 27, 2009, 06:35 PM

Hi Morgan...

I'm sorry that things are so tough for you right now. In reading your post, I can hear your anger and your pain over the fact that you feel that your Mom is not cutting the mustard as a mom at this point and you're feeling all this stuff.

First off....I don't think you need to TELL your Mom that she sucks at being a Mom. I understand the desire to do so....I REALLY do, but chances are, she's probably already aware of this anyway on some level. Rubbing it in her face will only backfire on you and cause you both more pain in the long run.

Second...let's talk a little bit about responsibility, and who is responsible for what in yours and hers relationship. As a parent, and this is my opinion, it is the job of a Mother/Father to care for their children. This entails caring for them physically; providing shelter, food, clothes, etc., and it entails caring for them emotionally; providing nurturing, support, offering and encouraging good values, morals, and hopefully some form of spiritual guidance. This is just the TIP of the ice-burg here for parents. IT IS NOT AN EASY JOB, to say the least, and not every parent is good at it, or as good as we want/need them to be. Just as your Mother is raising you and teaching you right/wrong, good/bad, either by modeling HOW to do things, or by modeling HOW NOT to do things, she is only capable of parenting to the level that she is capable of...and you alone cannot make her want to be a better parent. THAT is her responsibility as well...and, if for one reason or another, she chooses not to live up to that responsibility, that falls on others to make up for that for you.

It sounds like you don't have a lot of family support from others, like Father, Aunts/Uncles, Brothers/Sisters. It sounds like you FEEL like you are really on your own here. And that may be the case.

This being said...YOU also have responsibilities in this relationship. If your Mom is not going to be able to give you what you need, and no one else is going to be able to give that to you...YOU are going to have to be responsible for reaching out to safe people who CAN help you get your needs met. Whether that be a school teacher, mentor, school psychologist, a friends Mom or Dad, or extended family. But ULTIMATELY, you are old enough that YOU need to take responsibility for REACHING OUT to get your needs met if they are not getting met, and YOU need to realize that your Mother is NOT going to take responsibility for your previous attempt to take your life, and she is NOT responsible for that bottle of pills you have in your drawer, or whether YOU CHOOSE to take them to do yourself in.

Killing yourself is a choice. No one can make you do it...unless they literally physically force the pills down your throat.

It's not nice sweety. It's not nice at all when all you want is to be a child and be taken care of like you deserve and the ones who are supposed to be responsible either can't or won't be...for whatever reason. BUT...you are mature enough to realize that this is the situation you are facing, which tells me you are mature enough to take on the RESPONSIBILITY to reach out FURTHER for help...as opposed to doing what your Mother does which is just make things worse till they become everyone elses problem.

The chances that your Mom is going to "snap out of it" and wake up from zombie parenthood and become Mother of the Year is NOT looking good.

You're growing up...and growing up hurts...and it sucks...but I guarantee that if you MAKE the CHOICE to follow through with YOUR responsibilities of keeping yourself safe and reaching out to whoever you can...including yourself, and asking for the help that you need, you will prevail in the long run.

It may seem to get worse before it get's easier...but in the grown up world, when someone else drops the ball, it roles into someone elses court and then becomes their responsibility to pick it up and score with it.

Your Mom has dropped the ball...You have a RESPONSIBILITY to yourself to NOT DO THE SAME THING.

Keep reaching out for help from others. Make some noise if you have to....but if you take the cowards way out and kill yourself and think that you could blame that on your Mother...you're really doing no different then she is.

I've been through this myself. I support you...but it doesn't matter how much anyone supports you if you're not going to support yourself.

I'm here if you need to talk!!

Much love...and be safe!!