Mrsnacho- I feel for you. I dont know how to explain it to others, especially people who dont know you well, but I am of the belief that you dont owe anyone an explanation for anything. What I quoted from you is exactly what happens to me. Watching from a distance, sometimes remembering bits and pieces, sometimes remembering more or none. I only really do the explaining to my family, and others I dont bother. I was upset tonight and had a terrible tantrum. I know what I did from what I thinki I did, but the actual truth is that I dont actually recall doing all the mess. And a finger is badly bruised. I know I had the tantrum, but I cant say how I hurt my finger. I must have banged it hard b/c it is so purple. How could i not recall how I did that?

These are things that I wouldnt have thought anything about b/c I am used to doing doing things and not recalling very much. But I am not trying to notice when I dont remember what i did or what is going on.

Is it dissociation if I recall some of it? And other bits I dont know what happened?

Anyway, Mrsnacho, I understand your terror about it happeneing again b/c you dont know the trigger. Usually I dont know the trigger, but this time I have a good idea what it was. Still, it is very scary to not be in control.