Ok you experienced DIDers out there, and you KNOW who you are! ;-) lol

Last night something happened in my system. And I am not sure if this is a normal part of healing - or what it is since it has never happened before.

I was going to slowly go through my deepest level of pain since I have been trying to address that with T very slowly.. and my pain/anger alter was trying to come out on her own anyway so I could not avoid it.... but then something happened and suddenly I could not feel anything at all. I was recalling memories but there was ZERO emotional attachment to them. And the alter who holds all the pain was intentionally bringing up any pain that did have even the slightest emotion too it and yelling at me "DO YOU FEEL THAT?!"

It was as if I were watching the memories through silent movies and the painful spikes happened so sharply then nothing at all... like a shock to my system for just a few seconds. Almost like my alter was intentionally short circuiting my emotional system. That is the only way I can describe it. She did that throughout the night until I finally fell asleep and nothing she could play for me touched me at all.

This AM I woke up and it is the oddest non-feeling I have ever known.
It is not a healthy silence... not joyful or waiting. It is.... hummm.. it is not defeat either. It is nothing I can describe because there is no emotion to it. If anything I feel like I am a robot and not even made of flesh and blood. I heard myself tell my mate "I love you" and felt NOTHING at all and thought "That is odd" but had no sorrow for not feeling anything. I have been low before, but had sorrow at lack of emotion.

What is this state and will it pass soon? Not that I emotionally care at all... just that logically this is not fitting in with what I ever expected to come from a person who is trying to heal up.

Thank you.