You are a wonderful Husband!!!!!
As is mine!!
The best gift i gave my H was to urge him into counseling. For him, for his needs, for him to be able to vent and release his own feelings that he can't or won't show with me. It takes a toll on the spouse for sure!
He needed to learn to be himself, not just my "protector, comforter, co-dependant partner". I wanted him to be just as free as he wants me to be.

The other part of that is to make sure she also is in therapy with a good therapist who can work with her thru her past issues.

YOU can't be her all in all--I know, my H tried and it nearly broke our marriage and ruined his life.

thru counseling we learned how to be a healthy couple and distinguish between co-dependancy and love and how to get our needs met and meet each others needs while still maintaining our own integrity.

I commend you for being there for her.
I think it is wonderful for you to help her as much as you do and can--
but at the same time, i have concern for your well being.......