Hijacking your thread here, Chris

I think you and I represent opposites or near-opposites on some kind of apologizing scale. I'm not implying that either of our ways is better, only that you've chosen yours and I've chosen mine, along with whatever consequences come with each.

When I apologize what I seem to be saying, most of the time anyway, is "I didn't know any better then but I do now." When that's not true for me but I apologize anyway, I often feel as if I've put myself in a false position: I've claimed to know better now, I'm not sure I really do, so I'd better make it my job to learn before anyone catches me. If no one happens to point out that I stepped on their toes, I may be left wondering if there's something I need to know that no one's been willing to tell me.

When you apologize preemptively, it seems to me that you're saying, "Please don't think badly of me."

I'm not sure how effective a preemptive apology would be, either to keep people from thinking badly of me anyway or to make it easier for them to tell me when they do. One thing at the back of my mind, though, is that occasionally someone will show up prepared to think badly of me whether or not I actually do anything to them. Some people seem willing/able to accept blame graciously, apologize even when they don't feel at fault, and let their critics figure out for themselves where they're coming from, in the spirit of this story. I don't know if it's a hangup, a talent, or both but I prefer to get out of the way and let them address their blame to the wall behind me, as it were.

[/hijack]