I do offer my help whether it's here or in real life. Such a noble way to avoid my own issues! (smirk) In fairness to myself, I have a genuine affinity to help others. It does fill my heart and that's a wonderful feeling.

But that quickness to help and be a friend can be rough and rocky. I didn't have good examples of relationship skills growing up. I 've always struggled with that, especially in friendships.

Since I'm uncomfortable with more than casual friendships, I stay quiet. If you don't know me, you can't hurt me, right? Fractured thinking...the only one who gets hurt is me. Then I fault myself for betraying myself. I conceived that semblance of control in my life while in my single digit years. It didn't work then either!

It's always about fear of rejection for me. Abandonment issues...yeah, I've got stories, too. I find someone that I feel close with and.......and........well I'm trying to figure this out. A love that takes my breath away on one level after another after another
then I wonder where the rug went.

I'm tired of birthing this beautiful thing with so damn many tears.