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VickiesPath · Sep 29, 2009, 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AAAAA

My husband and I have taken many people in need into our home over the years. The last one in particular nearly ripped our marriage apart. This girl had been a friend of my daughter's since the third grade. She spent the night at our house several times a week, every week from Jr. High on. She officially moved in full time before her sophmore year of high school.

Now if I'm brutally honest, I never really liked this girl. I always felt sorry for her because her parents should have never had children let alone the dozen they had between them with different people. This girl is manipulative, ungrateful, disrespectful and just one of those people that will take advantage of you and suck you dry and move on.

Each time I got up the courage to say that this situation wasn't working out for any of us, something happened. About 6 months after she moved in her mother committed suicide. Now in the 8 years I'd known her she had no contact with her mother, but this was still a shock. I could not ask her to leave during this difficult time.

She had the same basic rules and expectations as my own kids 1) go to school 2) behave in school and do your homework 3) let me know where you are. I never fully understood why she wanted to live here. She lived with her father and grandmother and had absolutely no rules. We had to implement a new rule 4) no tatoos or piercings without permission because she was underaged and went to someone's garage and got a ring in her lip, he hit a major vein so not only would it not stop bleeding, but in was severely infected.

She could have had a bright future if she had put the slightest bit of effort in. She stopped following the rules toward the end of her senior year, she stopped going to school and would disappear for days at a time. Initially I tried to reason with her, she belonged to the local Indian Tribe and they were willing to pay for her expenses to go to a special alternative school that focused more on the arts and pay her tuition and living expenses to go to the Art Institute she had shown an interest in.

She choose just to quit school. I wasn't happy but she was 18 and there was nothing I could do about it. She didn't even do this responsibly, instead of notifiying the liason at the Tribe that she wasn't going to attend the school, she allowed them to pay her tuition and just decided not to go. When she stopped coming home or letting us know where she was going I just could not deal with the situation anymore and asked her to leave.

She moved out of the area but returned about a month ago, eight months pregnant. She gave birth a few days ago, my daughter came home from college for the weekend (because the girl went into labor/delivery early) and discussing things and made the comment that this girl viewed me as her mother even before her mother died. Knowing my love of children in general, my daughter volunteered me to watch the baby when I'm off and she goes back to work.

I do not want to get sucked into this situation again. The baby was born 8 weeks early and is still in the hospital an hour an half away. She can stay at a Ronald McDonald type facility free of charge to be with her baby and her friends raised money so she could have some cash in her pocket while there, but she's not there. She's here, going to parties and lunch with her friends. I know that I'm being a judgemental ***, but the majority of her family (such as it is) lives in that town so it's not even that she'd be there alone. I've had a sick baby, and there was nothing on earth that was going to seperate me from that child.

I'm really worried. My husband has always had a soft spot in his heart for this girl and no matter what she did, he always excused her behavior because she was "raised by wolves." He really does see her as one of our own, although it's a double standard because he wouldn't put up with the same crap from one of the other kids. We've already had a major blow up over the baby gift. We agreed that we were going to get something that she needs and will use, but he spent twice as much as I thought he should. There were versions from the same company available for half the price. His arguement is that if we were buying it for our daughter, this is the one we would have choosen so....

OH, my

You are really between a rock and ....well you know the rest.

The difficult part is your husband. This girl needs a piece of tough reality right between the eyes. Truly I would say that it is time for that reality to occur. I know your husband is having difficulties right now with his back so otherwise, I would say let HIM take care of her and the baby if he feels she needs a family now.

With the baby in the hospital, you've got a little time to think about things. Perhaps you could reason with your husband and try to make him see that it's the baby you should be thinking about and you guys can't raise another child and who knows if the mother is going to straighten up and when. Decisions must be made with the child's long term welfare at heart. I would hate for you guys to begin something that would have to be changed.

It's a tough situation. Is there any mention of the father? Is the father Native American? Does the tribe have anything to say about this?

What a mess. Hang in there.