Well I'll be 49, Oct 1st.

I'm already saying 50. I never thought I'd make it this far in life. As a kid I wanted two children a boy then a girl, I didn't want to marry. I wanted to get a little dog and a little house and live until I was 40.
I've been on mental social security since 1995. I fought like heck for it. We all know about that! The last job I has I was a Executive Secretary for McDonald Douglas Airfact. We built the 747's. When I finally ended my career I was at the position in work presenting the aircraft to the customer. Even could gone on a flight test, but no thank you.

We I'll be 49 on Thursday - 2009. What have I been doing for all these years. They've just passed.

4 Marriages, 2 children grown: 31 & 24, also 3 grandchildren.
I have three sisters, that now in our 40's we've found each other and finally have created that bond; which we were never allowed to do growing up. We were played against each other. We are all in different states. We are all on social security for mental disorders and all forms of abuse.

I had my sisters names tattooed on my leg as THE BOND WILL NEVER BE BROKEN AGAIN!

I think the mental and emotional abuse out weighs the physical by far - but close. The physical abuse medical nerve damage neck surgery from being chocked, hit with wire brushed, cans thrown at you, etc... As we have gotten older these ailments are finally speaking out

One sisters liver doesn't work due to alcohol - On her 11th birthday - Judy brought her home a case of beer. With her drawer full of drugs and males parties around we young girls all under the age of 12.

I had myself put in juvenile, then placed in various (icky) foster homes.
I raised my sisters. I was in foster homes she wouldn't let me see my sisters - she used that hurt me.

When I was there I protected them. When I left I thought it was my fault she was mean ..So I left....Only ..TO find out it grew enormously and NO ONE was there to protect them.

Whatever way mental and emotional she could do - She would find it and destroy it, or take it away.

Child services showed up a few times - We tried to TELL. But no one would listen; kids tell lies, and as we grew she'd tell people we were CRAZY and not to pay attention. Besides having us scared to death when the case workers showed up.

I never could watch those shows like: Little house on the prairie, The Walton's CUZ Behind those doors things were nice like that.

We we raised not knowing anything about life except for being degraded, told how ugly and stupid we were.....

Judy dreamed she was frying was in a frying pan. She thought that was funny. She would take my sisters to bowling places and people at the end of the day would give them rides home. Once she stopped the car on a old dirt road out in no where and told one of us to walk. She even forgot one of my baby sisters at home.

My sexual abuse started at age 2 from my step father, after the bars closed. I would hide under dirty piles of laundry, tables etc. It continued with him until one day, must have been a OLD SOUL my therapist told me because I stood in front of him at age 5 and said I'm going to tell....
At this time she was sending us to his house on the weekends, though we weren't his... She knew at age 3 I tried to tell - she shipped me off to Florida for three months.... A little 3 year Curly To-Head blonde.

I saw a black and white picture of him holding my next sister as I stood behind. I looked at that picture with no smile just sorry and said to myself "What is it that makes a little child like to sexy, that they would be shamed and ruined for life"

Life went on - men in and out sneaking in our rooms or just by accident - AS FOR SOME SURPISINGLY HER 'BILLS' GOT PAID.

She is still alive, still trying to create drama, yet she always has to have someone on her side. She's try to get to our children to let them know she's their grandma.

So anyway - People have to believe us now - we're all in our 40's, All on social security and all messed up emotional etc.
What I say is If you don't believe this or that LOOK at US.

We tried to break the cycle with our children, we did the best with what we didn't know.....
The chemical imbalance stayed and emotionally I didn't even know how to hug my poor poor son as he got older because I thought it was incest.
He have to ask me for a hug.

So I'll be 49, on October 1st 1960 (2009)

AND 'WE' here all know there was so much more -

I have figured she took all of our childhoods - So we (but the alcohol who should be dead - even surprises her doctors any, but they won't treat her cuz she refuses to stop drinking. AND this GIRL wants to be on life support for 6 months)

So as I was saying - She took our children's - She will not take the anymore. Even if I have to of course be on medication and help.

Seriously I do not have any friends. I don't leave my house but to do the errands on pay check day and I like going to the Dollar Tree where everything's a $1.00 (nice stuff) - There I buy everything for EVERYBODY ELSE.

People can not understand my rapid behavior of Bipolar - But you know what !!! IF THEY CARED THEY'D GET KNOWLEDGED ABOUT IT!!!

I've been lacking off the forum - I have so much to give.
But so much I need to express - But it would only be - who wants to read that. So why post.

I've been told many times in my life "nothing makes me happy" - you know what THEY ARE RIGHT! I don't know how to be happy. Of like Eyesore "Go ahead knock my house down, it's going to fall anyway"

I have met and received, excepted and shared. The words and in encouragement I gave out - Just flowed, I didn't have to think about it.

I'll be 49, October 1st............................................... ..............
__________________