has your mother ever really been there for you?

i used to pretend . . . i needed to pretend that my mother was a good mother. she didn't protect me from the sexual abuse. she got more of her emotional needs met from me than i would receive from her. i gave her more. i always felt i needed to give to her, buy her things, take her places, etc. once i realized she was never really there for me, i was able to let go of "needing" her. i still love her, but i'm not giving more than she gives me. and, i'm not making "first" moves anymore. i only recipricate the love she initiates.