Hello everyone, my name is Amy. I am married to a man that has OCPD. We have
been married for 19 years. My husband is 26 years older than me, we are 39 and
65. At first I thought his behavior was due to his age, he has always treated me
like a child, always has to be in control etc. I now know why he behaves the way
he does.
He was diagnosed about a year ago. I almost left him last year, so we started to
go for marriage counseling. This is when the OCPD was discovered.
My husband hoards everything. We recently moved into a 5,000 sf house, and it
is being filled quickly with his junk. Musical instruments,(most broken) old
printers, scanners computer equipment. He also has stacks of lists. He micro
manages each and every project he attempts to the point that he totally loses
sight of the original goal. If me or any of our 4 children try to change the
plan he gets very upset.
He is extremely passive aggresive. If we dont submit to his wishes he will walk
around the house mumbling under his breath with a scowl on his face, creating an
atmosphere of major tension.
I suspect my husband might also have aspergers syndrome. He has no tolerance
for people, thinks most people are flaky and lazy. Over the years he has
criticized people constantly, no one can ever measure up to his standards.
He gets angry at himself a lot too, even he cannot live up to his standards. I
will hear him verbally abusing HIMSELF almost daily.
I feel like I am married to Mr Spock. If something is not logical he has a very
difficult time doing it.
A few areas my husband has major issues in are 1. Money. This is HUGE! We are
financially secure, due to a sizable inheritance he received a few years ago
after his mother died. It is like pulling teeth trying to get him to touch any
of the money (it is wrapped up in the stock market) He would rather carry credit
card debt then ever touch it. He shops for clothes at thrift shops and dollar
General. Nothing wrong with that if thats all you can afford, but this is not
the case with us. He is always going on about how we dont have enough money. Yet
he never held a steady job i the 19 years we have been together.
2.He looks like a slob most of the time. He wears the kids throw always, so he
will walk around in an old t-shirt with say a picture of a sponge bob on it! SO
embarrassing! I went through his desk the other day and counted 75 pairs of old
glasses from the dollar store. All organized in individual ziplock baggies by
'strength'Half of them had lenses missing, the other half looked so outdated,
they could be used for Halloween!
He must have hundreds if not thousands of old non working pens.
3. He has issues with things getting wet. If I put a vase with flowers on the
table, he will put a stack of newspapers underneath for fear of water getting on
the table. Also if it starts raining and the windows are open, he totally freaks
out and practically has a panic attack. He stacks paper towels and newspaper
around the sinks, so water doesnt splatter around the counter.
Even if we are at the beach, he wears sneakers and socks so his feet wont get
wet.
4. He has no clue of what is socially acceptable. When we are out at a
restaurant he will eat with his hands, have food all over his hands, but will
not use the napkin until the very end, because he does'nt want to use more than
one. Also he records people without their knowledge, then takes notes on what
they say later on. He was doing this in our counseling session, I discovered the
recorder.

The thing that makes me think he may have aspergers is, he never makes eye
contact with people. He will literally close his eyes when someone is talking to
him. He will sometimes just walk away in the middle of a conversation.

We have no connection with each other. He never shares his feelings with me,
doesnt express his love for me, does'nt spend time with me unless I force him
to, then he brings his stack of notes with him, and takes notes of our
conversations.

He is a musical genius. Music is his drug. He can play any instrument he picks
up. That is his olny connection with our kids. He rarely encourages them or
gives positive feedback. Just tells them what they need to do to be better.

I am at the end of my rope. I am very close to asking him to leave. All our
accounts are in his name. We have a joint account but he keeps almost everything
in his account which he calls the payroll account (no idea why) and makes
deposits into the joint account to control my spending.
I just went ahead and opened credit cards and use them when I need/want
something. There is underlying resentment there because he thinks I spend too
much. But he always tells me we have no money, so dont write checks.

He has an appointment Friday with a psychiatrist. He has agreed to get help,
because I told him if he didnt i was leaving. Plus he has started having panic
attacks, which he is convinced is high blood pressure.

Oh yeah and he has MAJOR food issues. Sometimes he wont eat at all except
coffee, and yogurt. He thinks fat people are disgusting. He will go days without
eating, which further wires him out.

What do I need to know before the appointment Friday? Are there any meds that
might help?

Oh one last thing. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer in June. He has chosen
to basically ignore it. He just cant go there. He walks around in a constant
state of anxiety, he can NEVER relax.
I realize this is long, Im sorry, feels good to get it all out though.
Look forward to getting to know you guys.
Amy