DLH's System,

I went through a time of obsession with recovering more memories. I think I was trying to "prove" there was a good reason for the dysfunction and depression and all the other negatives in my life.

I did finally get to the place of letting that go and realizing that the pain, dysfunction and all sorts of problems that came up in my life were themselves evidence enough that something very harmful had happened to me and more than once. Sadly I struggled for years before I stopped badgering my poor mind and alts on this topic. It caused some parts of me extreme distress and fear because they were programmed to hide the info at ALL costs if I wanted to live. I had a very strong and detailed denial system. Survival is the first imperative and I kept my life in turmoil trying to force parts to "give up" their information.

Looking back over years of therapy I see it would've been good if I could have let go earlier on this. I caused myself as much misery as some of those who abused me. However, I did it like I did it and I have to accept that I handled my therapy as I did.

The focus now is on accepting myself as I am and dealing with the changes that must happen for me to live in peace within and without. There has been a lot of progress once I laid this obsession down and I know fully that each of us did what we did to survive and each deserves respect and help.