You won't be proud of me at all. I am ashamed and embarrassed. I totally paniced (excuse my spelling) and canceled this afternoon's interview at the organic store. And left a voice mail requesting an interview for Friday.

These are my reasons beside my anxiety levels that are not under control:

I have a job interview on Oct.1st at a daycare in the morning. I am very capable and familar with working with children in daycare, out-of-school care, and as a volunteer classroom assistant. So answering the questions during the interview wouldn't stress me out completely. I also have post-secondary education in psychology, sociology, and special needs. So, I am less nervous about this interview than the organic store interview. I think that I am just too interverted to have a job that requires me to feel at ease and outgoing with strangers everyday.

And if I were to get this daycare job I would have to take first aid and cpr training again. The only thing I don't like about this is the fact that the courses start at around 8am and end at around 4pm for 2 days. And in my previous work experience with children the only emergencies that I came across were wounds/cuts that required cleaning and a band aid. All other emergencies only required a hug and some supportive words..etc. And half the things that were taught in the cpr and first aid courses I couldn't remember it all...I only remembered the basics. Even though I scored in the high 80 %.

Then there is the criminal record check and child welfare check. I have never been arrested or convicted of any criminal offense. Nor have I ever harmed a child. But just the thought of going to the police department and having to fill out the forms for these checks makes me nervous. Or shall I say paranoid. I don't see why I traumatized myself like this because I have never been arrested or convicted of any criminal offense nor have I abused a child. Why do I think this way? And how can I force myself to rationalize things?

I feel like a hopeless mess right now.