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lynn09 · Sep 30, 2009, 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zen888

But why do I worry myself to the point I feel physically and mentally ill by just thinking about having to get a criminal record check and child welfare check? As I have stated before I have never been arrested or convicted of any crime nor have I abused any children.

Could it be because I was abused as a child that I am hyper sensitive/paranoid about getting my records checked? Could it be because my dad was never held accountable for his abusive actions towards me?

I try over and over again to remind myself that I am not a criminal nor am I a child abuser.

I haven't worked in childcare for 3 years now. I did have to file accident reports when a child would hurt themselves...etc. And if anything came into question I would think by now that the police or social services would have contacted me? See this is how my OCD thinking or stress affects my logical and intelligent reasoning skills.

Hi (((((Zen))))). Yes, you would have heard from the police or social services by now if there was anything wrong with reports you filed in the past.

I think that it is possible that you carry some form of guilt because of your father abusing you - that is not uncommon. Perhaps what triggers your anxiety is just the concept of interaction between an adult and a child, even though in the present context you are the adult interacting with children and you know that you would never abuse a child.

As for the generalized anxiety - again, I think you need to try to take the focus off of yourself and put it on others. Instead of approaching the interview as a potential employer looking you over, try to see it as you are going there to check them out to see if you would want to work for/with them. The night before your interview, get your clothes and everything else ready that you are going to need the next day, then sit down and have an interview with yourself; think of the kind of questions the interviewer will probaby ask you and practice your responses (take notes if it helps).

Don't berate yourself for changing the interview at the store - you couldn't deal with it and would have probably been too nervous and anxious had you forced yourself to go ahead with it. Rescheduling it to after your interview for the childcare position makes sense, especially since you have more training and experience in childcare. As for filling out the forms, just take a deep breath, relax, fill them out, and be done with it - anticipatory anxiety is ususally much worse than the actual act. As for the CPR training, it is just that - training. You've been through it before, so you already have the basics - this time you will be able to focus more on the other details and add to your knowledge - you are there for you - to gain knowledge and experience, not to perform for others. Don't be afraid to ask questions or ask for clarification. The interview, background check, and CPR training are not intended to "judge" you - they are simply standardized screenings and training. Good luck and let us know how things go.