Dear Dotbar ~ well, I'm certainly no expert in marriages, and I'm not sure what to do about telling your husband. But, to get over a person with whom I had been intimate and still harbored positive feelings [but knew the relationship needed to end], I began by concentrating on his weaknesses and deficits of character [or physical deficits] - whatever works. This might lessen your desire for him. I know you feel betrayed, and that hurts like the dickens and is hard to get over. You might also remember this: whoever puts the most into a relationship [which would be you], also takes the most away from it. In time, the individual who put the least into the relationship sees that. Don't be surprised if the "affair man" tries to reconcile with you at some point, in which case, you will need to REALLY concentrate on his undesirable qualities. Just some stray thoughts and beliefs ~ billieJ