I will be honest in what I think. You are hanging on to a life you wish you had. I do not understand the mother letting you hang around other than she is more than generouse. It is time you let the whole famdamily go. So what if it hurts you have caused enough pain by jumping into the middle the first time. I have had affairs and have been on the other side too. There is no good in it no matter what anyone thinks. There is always the luggage that goes along with it.