[quote=melinda84;1153982]I have been long distance friends with my boyfriend for years online and then we began a long distance relationship. About 2 weeks ago, he finally moved in with me so it isn't long distance anymore. When people make the decision to move in with each other there is always an adjustment period. Did you actually know one another before you started this transition? It has been my experience that long distance relationship, particularly ones that start online with no irl contact, you don't get a sense of the whole person. I'm not saying that we're trying to be deceptive, you just don't see things like body language, tone of voice etc. Also, when you're in a really bad mood and just don't want to deal with the other person, you don't have to. You simply don't have to log onto the computer or answer the phone. It would probably have been best to maintain different homes until you get to know each other's quirks and warts.

He often misunderstands what i'm trying to say. I simply go off on rants about things (especially when i've had a bad day or i'm not feeling well) and i think i'm just stating my opinion and then he'll take it as a personal attack. I'm not trying to be rude, but this is more issue than his. If someone was not raised with this type of behavior, of course they're going to take it as a personal attack. We're yellers in my house, I was raised by yellers. When we're shouting, it doesn't mean we're angry, its just the louder you are, the more right you are lol. Quietly and pointedly making a comment is a sign of anger here, when it's quiet, then it's time for concern. Newcomers don't know how to take us.

For example, yesterday i made a statement about not liking Toys R' Us because it's filled with misbehaved children that annoy me. He told me he always wanted to work there and i said that he probably wouldn't like it and he would want to quit right away. That made him angry and he assumed that i was telling him what he thinks and that i don't want him to work there. Again, not trying to be rude, but read that statement. I don't know any other way to take that statement other than your blantatly stating that you think you know what his reaction would be better than he does himself. So many negative implications with those few words... I don't believe in you, you're too impulsive to think in the long term, you're a quitter.

It's like i can't even have my own opinions without making him angry. In the situation you've given, your opinions appear to be negative about him. Of course he's angry. He's left his family, friends, home, everything to be with you and it seems like he's hearing that none of it was enough.

We ended up not talking all night and that has been like the 3rd or 4th time it's happened in the past few weeks. I was feeling quite sick (like really cold and dizzy) and i got really depressed yesterday. The isolation from him has only made me feel worse so that's why i don't think it's the best way to deal with things. He wanted to make up this morning, but i brushed him off cuz i don't know if i can forgive him for acting that way towards me. This is emotional blackmail and not productive, it implies that everything must be on your terms and he shouldn't even make an attempt. He made an effort to fix things, a better approach from you would have been to explain, in a non-confrontational way how this made me (you) feel. "You" statements put the other person on the offensive, say instead "when this happened, it made me feel like my opinion did not matter." If you're not in a place to discuss the problem, you can simply say "I'm not ready to work on this right now." There is a place between euphoria and hostility.

Communication is THEE most important thing in a relationship. This whole thing sounds like a series of miscommunications. It's not what you say, it's what they hear. We would like to think that our boyfriends/partners know what's going on in our mind, they really really don't. The technique that made this absolutely crystal clear to me was actually taping the conversation. My husband and I would go over the tape, not in an effort to determine who was right, but to see where our communication was breaking down. What we discovered is that what we thought we were communicating to one another and what we were actually communicating are two different things.