Hello. I'm new to this site. I sat at my computer tonight and searched for help on dealing with life with a terribly difficult man. This is where I ended up. It may not be the right place to be. I don't know. Please tell me if you know of a better place for me. I realize that none of us are totally "normal"...lol....but I don't think I'm too far either way from plumb. But....I find that the man I married was somehow able to fool me for the 6 months prior to our marriage. He was open, effusive, promised intimacy, spoke of common goals, was happy, offered my daughter the promise of a "DAD" who was really excited about having a daughter to love etc. He lived far away. I never saw his home until we moved there a week after our wedding. That's when everything changed. Abruptly. We invaded his space. I believe the man he was pretending to be.....was what he really wanted to be......but he couldn't keep up the facade. When he returned to his home he went back to his safe routine. He is a combination of obsessive/compulsive and passive aggressive. It was painful. It was shocking. He totally blocked us out. Here we were thousands of miles away from the life we had given up....and he could hardly speak to us. He wouldn't respond to touch. He wouldn't touch. He wouldn't talk. It was obvious that it was painful for him to disrupt his environment to make room for us. It was a nightmare. I tried everything I could think of that year. I saw a counselor. I focused on making my daughter's life as wonderful as I could under those circumstances. After a year......I told him we were returning to my house (which luckily I had kept) I told him that I loved him but I just couldn't take living that way. He refused counseling....but did not want to lose me. He actually packed up his things and left his safe environment to join us here. It has been so hard. I do love him. I do see that there is a good man in there....but he does not connect. He is compulsive about things and work and empty as far as relationship goes. He has no curiosity about me or any human. He has curiosity about things. He agrees and admits to his lack of fullfilling his marital and parental promises......but does nothing to change. We never resolve any problem because everything deadends with him. He answers questions with questions.....or "I don't know". He won't give me an anwer about anything. He doesn't like to be touched and he doesn't touch intimately. Over the 3 years......baby steps have been accomplished and he hugs or kisses easily now but there is no sexual intimacy directed to me. He is like a boy. I am just so tired and sad. I have seen myself wither.....literally. Through ultimatums...I was able to get him to go to 3 or 4 counseling sessions with me. Very reluctantly. He has great distain for the profession. He made it painfully clear that he was only going there for me. Not because he needed any help. I realize that for him to actually break down those barriers....therapy is needed but I don't know if he will ever do that. That would mean admitting that he needed help. I guess what I am looking for here is maybe someone who has been in my shoes. Someone that could tell me that sticking it out long enough actually proved fruitful. I'm just so tired.