Hi all,

I guess I am really in need of some clarity and advice. My boyfriend and I have been together a little over 2 years. First, let me say we met over the internet and this started out as a long distance relationship. We met at a time when we were both going through some really hard times in our lives. We started out as friends and we ended up becoming really close which led to a relationship. We both feel that we helped each other to be able to move on with our lives.

We dated online for quite some time before moving in together. My problem is over the course of these 2 years, he has done things to really make me question my trust and if I should even trust him. Over our many phone calls before, I guess you could say he shared too much information about his past. Things I really didn't need to know. Him getting drunk, making out with girls, etc. This was the first red flag I guess you could say that made me start wondering about the type of person he was. He said that that was when he was younger and he hasn't been that person in years. That he was now more mature and no longer wanted that lifestyle. I, not being one to condemn someone for their past, let it go.

Problem is, it did sort of put a not so rosey picture of him in my head anymore. My boyfriend is very good to me. He will go out of his way to make me comfortable. He is working hard to create a better life for me, him and our soon to be child. And I appreciate everything he does.

But, I have totally lost trust in him and it is beginning to destroy me and this relationship. When we first moved in together, after some time I started getting that "something doesn't feel right" feeling. That he was hiding things and that I was living with someone who was 2 different people. After 5 months or so, I finally started checking up on him. Which is something I said I would never do in a relationship. Trust is very important to me. He started being later getting home from work almost nightly. Only 30 minute to an hour or so, but the fact that it was nightly started concerning me. Once he said his work was closing 30 minutes later, so I finally decided to check. It was a lie.

I then found myself checking his cell phone. I found in one days time numerous calls to other girls, from him and to him. Text messages as well. All this while he was supposedly at work. When we met, he had mentioned to me he had alot of female friends, which I honestly didn't have a problem with. As long as I trusted him, and they were just friends, no harm done in my opinion. But these calls were from girls I had never heard of. People he had neglected to tell me about, which really concerned me. I did confront him later on, and he said they were just friends and that I was being jealous and ridiculous.

Thing is, after this, I felt completely betrayed. Even if they were honestly just friends, the fact that he hid these female friends and was emailing, texting and calling all these women I have never heard of, hurt me and still hurts me deeply. I have tried so hard to trust him again. I really do love him. I want really badly for this relationship to work, but without trust, you can't.

Seems everytime I start to trust him a little again, I find something else. A few months ago I found in our new house tons of pictures of him with other girls. And I don't mean a few pictures of him with ex girlfriends. I'm talking over 100 pictures of him with other women, old love letters, cards, everything. This of course really hurt me. When confronted, he said he didn't know he still had all of those. I found that hard to believe considering the fact that we had recently moved and we had went through everything.

Now, I have became extremely untrusting of him and have seemed to turn into a jealous person. Something I hate. Where he works, he is alone quite often with another female employee. Things like this would not used to bother me. Now, I am starting to wonder if anything is going on with him and this girl. The thoughts that come into my head are horrible relating to him and this girl. It's got to the point I accuse him of it. We will get along great for a while, then we will have a blowup, and it all has revolved around this trust issue.

This is damaging our relationship badly, if it isn't already to late. I no longer know what to do or think. My brain tells me it's time to end it. I don't trust him, it's broken and we are only hurting each other at this point. We have tried to break up a few times, and it's been hard for both of us. Although now, I see it happening soon unless something changes fast.

In my heart, I just want so badly to be able to move past all this and trust the man I love again. And also the man who I truely feels does love me. Is it possible? How do you trust again?