Well, it sounds like your friend has been raised in a totally different way than you have. Maybe even spoiled and pampered a bit?

I agree with other responders that honesty is the best way to go. There is nothing to be ashamed of in telling her that you just cannot afford this trip, the dress and all the fluff that goes with it.

I don't think that comparing finances will make much of a difference to her at this point. It sounds like she doesn't really grasp that concept. Simply telling her that your life situation is not the same as hers and it's just out of the question at this time.

Personally, if I was going to have my wedding half way around the world from my friends and family, and especially if my maid of honor was not able to afford it, the answer would be a slam dunk to me....I would insist on paying for her to be there for me in my best hour. But then again, that's just me

I'm sorry you are in this position. I truly hope that your friend will pony up for you so that you can be part of her special day!