Sorry I haven't been around in ages. I wrote a huge reply, got interrupted, had a major blast out on someone, getting really angry and upset and actually very nearly cried in front of someone I've promised never to cry in front of when I've spoken to him about much more difficult stuff.

I'm just finding everyting impossible at the moment and I can't honestly do this anymore. Everything's just getting worse. Arguments with Connor, with friends, with this voice in my stupid skull that won't leave me alone, me being stressed and now making myself very ill. I've started purging a lot recently too which is something I promised myself I'd never do and no matter how much I try to distract myself from it, I can't just not do it

I have cut, I've tried overdosing, but been caught and I just can't stand being in the skin I'm in anymore. Connor keeps complaining that I'm losing weight too rapidly, saying that I'm at a perfectly healthy weight now, a low enough weight and he doesn't want me losing anymore, but I just won't listen which I know is dangerous and stupid.

I tried talking to my dr about it, but she just seemed unfazed, so I'm just hiding away in my new flat doing amounts of sit ups that not even people in the army do, doing weights, walking everywhere with an incredibly sore knee that I keep ignoring.

Gaaaaahhhhh! Just wish I'd go away.