((((((((((((((((((((((((Tishie))))))))))))))))))) SI is a way to cope. Can you look at what is going on in your life causing you so much distress. I got the feeling that you had used other forms of SI in the past. The brain gets wired that when you feel a certain level of stress and remembers that SI worked in the past and the thoughts start surfacing. This may not be what is happening but may be something to think about. Please see someone right away as it is very easy to become addicted and then it can be very difficult to stop. I am thinking of you.

BB