Hi AAAAA and Emily, and thanks for your replies. I really do appreciate it because sometimes it is so hard when you are in the situation yourself to see the truth. Others can see what you can't.

To clarify a little bit more, we dated online for quite some time. Close to a year. We met and it went well. I was very nervous, but it was so weird. I felt like I had known him forever. We have now lived together close to 1 1/2 years. While we dated online, we did share everything. We used to talk to each other about anything and everything. It was what brought us so close. To the point of taking it farther than just an online, long distance relationship.

I honestly don't know what happened to change that. He had been the one pushing for us to take it to the next level. To the point that one time he broke up with me because I wanted to take more time to work on myself before getting seriously involved. As I stated in my previous post, we met at a time when we both had been going through some bad things in our lives. I could see his point, because it was long distance, so we rarely actually physically saw each other, so either it was time to move forward or end it. So he ended it. We ended up getting back together a week or 2 later. Not long after I did end up moving to give this relationship a chance.

It was then when things changed. Instead of the open and honest person I had known all this time, he became very secretive. As I said, it felt to me I was living with 2 different people. The man he portrayed himself to be to me, but that he was someone else away from me. Things just felt off. His phone especially he has always treated as something sacred. Like it's hands off. And I don't mean by me looking in it. But to the point he always gave me the impression that it really bothered him if it rang for example, I should never dare answer it or even look to see who is calling. That was the feeling I got and still get.

Thing is, I hate checking up on him. It makes me feel horrible. I honestly haven't even done this very often. At the same time, that is also a bit of the scary part. The few times that I have, I have always found out things. He keeps his phone locked most of the time now and if it isn't locked, he has already deleted or erased text messages, call log, etc. He tells me to go ahead and check his phone, but he knows it's now pointless. He has erased everything.

I am now almost 5 months pregnant. I find this to be a miracle because I didn't think I could even have children. I just recently turned 35. I have always believed everything happens for a reason. Good or bad. I have been through alot of tragedy in my life, as have alot of others. And that belief is what has got me through alot of it. This is a high risk pregnancy and I'm scared and happy at the same time. My boyfriend is thrilled that we are going to have a baby.

I just feel so lost and confused where this relationship is concerned. On the one hand, I am with this man who can be the sweetest, most loving and caring person I have ever been with. He treats me like a queen most of the time. Because this is a high risk pregnancy, there are times I don't feel well and he cooks for me, helps clean the house, things like that, even just after coming home from work. I appreciate those things and those little things, are what tells me he really does love me. I do feel that.

But then on the other hand. It seems there is this other person. The one that used to be the player. He does seem like the flirty type. And this has always concerned me. He keeps in touch with alot of women. Way too many in my opinion. If these were longtime friendships, I would see this differently. But even just the people he works with. They text each other, ect. From what he tells me now, he is no longer in touch with alot of these people. The way I see it, if these were just innocent friendships, why did he need to hide these people from me? Sneak around behind my back texting, emailing and calling them? This makes me believe that no matter how much I want him to be, and no matter how good he can be to me, that I am quite possibly not with a faithful man. And this hurts badly. It's hard for me to understand that when he makes me feel loved the way he does.

I have tried talking to him about this. Just even last night and this morning as well. He doesn't want to fully believe trust is my problem with him. He is one of those people who believes he can do no wrong. He's Mr. Perfect. He wants to continue to just believe that I have no reason to feel the way I do and just keeps saying I am a jealous person. I think I have reasons to question his faithfulness to me at this point. But he doesn't think so. I told him this morning that either I need to find a way to trust him again, or there is no way this is going to work. That I love him and badly want this to work out, but it is torture for me to feel this way, and it also isn't fair to him for me to be now accusing him quite often of cheating. He didn't say much, just said he was sad. Still seeming to refuse the reality as to why there is a problem in this relationship. He keeps going around the real problem and saying there are other reasons why I feel the way I do. Not because of anything he did.

At times we have discussed this problem and he has said he will do anything to gain my trust back. That he loved me and could not stand to lose me. He wants us to be a family. I was finally starting to get over the whole thing and starting to trust him again when I came across all the pictures I mentioned before. I found them while unpacking after our move. I felt yet again, completely betrayed. I felt if this man was truely committed to me, he would not have kept all these things. If it had just been a few pictures of him with an ex, I would have let it go. But it was just so many, and so many different women, and some of the pictures were provocative even. Again, that horrible image of this person came back in my head. And I've been having a very hard time letting it all go. I just don't know what to think or do. I want a good and loving home for my baby. That means alot to me. I believe he would be a great provider and great father, but how can it go on like this? I need the trust. It is the most important thing. And this is something I told him a very long time ago. How do you move past things like this and go on to trust, love and be happy again?