in a way its necessary defense to stay in that cloud as long as your mind needs that distance from thr real world
as long as you don't have to drive or anything dangerous
and it sounds like your wife has respect for your reaction and the distance but is still in contact with you and you with her.
And your in safe contact here. Thank the powers that be and your own resourses for survival, again.
Tend to yourself knowing we are heartbroken on your behalf but not broken by hearing your accounting here.
With respect for your dignity and courage,
Kathy