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Golly... Now I'm seeing just how much this man has brainwashed me.
For starters... He has made me believe the way he treats me is my fault. If I would have spent more time with him and done every thing he's said I wouldn't have been hurt.
Than... I'm a beautiful girl, I know that... As much as I curse my face, I know it would be easy to find another man... But still there is his voice in the back of my head... "He wont love you, no one will every love you. No one will treat you as well as I do. You will be nothing without me. No one will put up with you. You are lucky to have me"
And lastly... Everything he's done, all the excuses I give him. He makes me believe I am crazy and that certain things never happened or aren't as bad as I make them out to be. Trigger warning... Like the time he choked me and covered my mouth and plugged my nose, wont get into too many more details. Now I'm starting to think it was an accident even though it happened many times that night. That maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought...
My mind is no longer mine. My thoughts are controlled by him. My entire existance is controlled by him. How do I begin to find myself again? How do I begin to let go of this hold he has over me?
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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