we just got back from T. T called Vicki out and let her talk. She reveled things about sexual abuse by my mother's brother-in-law in great detail. I knew about the abuse but thought it was a one time, at the most 2 encounters and not as long a time (14-18-clear up to the day of my wedding) or as mean as it was. My parents didn't believe me and so didn't protect me from him when ever he was around. I never knew that. It makes sense now why he was not dealt with by any of the adults.

It makes sense why she is in so much pain. she has given me some of that and I remember details that are just hitting me like someone punched me in the stomach and then kicked me some more. I am not sure how to deal with this. I never dealt with this stuff. Vicki always did.

We discovered Rock is a good thing for now. He is holding Vicki and only letting her out if someone on the outside calls her to come out and if it is safe. T suggested that she promise Rock that she won't do anything to harm herself or the rest of us. She said she would be lying. She doesn't accept that she is not alone. When T told her that she has been protecting us for a long time and if she hurts self, she will hurt all, she said that she will take deedee and the Little One with her to get away and be alone.

We have appt. on Monday. But for now, Vicki is in and we are safe. It is going to be a long long summer
w_i