Thanks I_T_D, that reply was useful and it gave me a positive vibe. I do feel a little better now, still stressed though and just want to cry

crystalrose, I will try to see a new dr if I can.

Bipolar_Bear thanks for your reply also. I so want to reach out for help and I do see an excellent ED counsellor, but now that voice in my head is telling me to stop seeing her in December. Just stop. Make an excuse. Of course, my reasoning is that I just cannot afford it as I' already getting stressed over bills and shopping and new furniture etc and I just can't afford a lot at the moment. So I'm looking to getting a job in the evenings, like waitressing or something and hopefully volunteering for a local animal rescue where I can go horseriding, everyday or just weekends depending on how my body takes it. This is another reason I have given myself for stopping the counselling. I know the contact with animals will help me immensly, especially the fact that I will be horseriding for at least 2 hours everyday! But I don't know.. I' confused and upset and angry and just don't know what to do at the moment

I'm terrified of showing my posts to my dr because I feel that in my posts I come across as someone desperate, weak, needy, insane or something, I don't know. Maybe hopefully I'll get the courage soon to print it off and show her but I just don't know... Supposed to be having another B12 jab soon, but haven't heard anything and I know that I will have to have more blood tests to see if I have been taking he vitamin and mineral supplements they prescribed me... Ouch. (I haven't, too scared).

Thanks D, honey. I know you're here and I know you love me... I am finding everything really tough at the moment and I just flaming well wish I wasn't! You know how I feel.. I've already ranted to you over the phone about it. Sigh.

Tnank you, lonegael, rohag and depressed alaskan for your advice. I will try to follow this. I have started trying to nurse my knee now. It is causing me all sorts of mobility problems so I have been resting it up as much as possible, but been going walking for at least 10 minutes once a day to just give it some exercise, not to mention the physio exercises I have been given and I have also been taking my painkillers properly, so I think I'm doing something right.

Nowheretorun, you're so kind. When I read the bit about breathe and relax, the first thing I did was to breathe in deeply and sigh heavily. It felt so good! Thanks for the reminder

I'm still feeling very low at the moment and getting extremely aggravated and touchy over the iniest of things. I've already snapped at Connor and cried etc I just wish I didn't constantly have to put on this front. I'm tryin my hardest to just be happy, be me again, do things for me. But I'm struggling so, so much and that's so hard to admit...