I've been taking my medication mostly steadily for three months. My mood swings have been on hiatus for two weeks and I'm terrified that they'll be back in full bloom sooner than I'd like. My anxiety has rounded off a bit. I don't spend as much time curled up in the bath tub praying for it to end.
I should start work again on 10-12, but I'm going to ask for another week so I can calmly get prepared to go back to work. Has anyone ever asked their doctor for more time? I don't think this should be too unreasonable.
I start school on-line on 10-26. I'm taking Sociology, Philosophy, and Spanish. All easy courses that shouldn't cause too much stress. I hope.
MY MEDICATION, Geodon, GOT APPROVED. I appealed the insurance's decision to deny me my pill without even being able to locate the doctor who originally prescribed me Seroqel (a required trial before Geodon). I'm elated.
I started dating my ex again after a few unsuccessful attempts in the dating world. I never should have left him. My mom hates him, but he gets me. He's always supported me and been mindful of my illness. I feel lucky to be so understood by one person. I accept and love him and his faults. I expect I will move in with him in a few months.
I feel NORMAL. It's sort of dull and uneventful. I don't regret this. It reminds me of what I read in An Unquiet Mind. This must be what it's like to feel the same as everyone else. Sure it's not as gleefully light and not as dismally dark and not as confusing/mixed, but it sure is nice to be able to open a book and read it. And it sure is nice to look at my bank statements and know where everything came from and not have bills piled in stacks around me. I'm not afraid to go outside or drive somewhere on my own.
I'm so happy to be alive and thankful for these precious years.
Now the trouble is staying here.
Thanks for listening.