Well it's like last night I was really upset and finally gave in and started cutting on my ankle. After that it just didn't feel like it use to so I started on my stomach. I knew I was cutting a lot and I loved all the blood and played with it and made and filled in a heart on my stomach and spent awhile making it perfect and just playing around with the blood afterwards and drawing on myself with just what was there and was completely calm and sorta spaced out and then after that, all of a sudden it was like," WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE!!!!" Then I took a shower and cleaned up, and felt pathetic and mad at myself and that was it except for wondering if that happens to anyone else. I know my friend will start without even knowing she has and then afterwards realize she had a blade in her hand and was actually doing damage, but she has never realized begining it and not realized how much sha has done until the end.