Miss A...sometimes I think you underestimate. I do the ice trick but the pain doesn't last long enough. Red marker just triggers me and makes me really upset because I can't feel pain. I know how much pain it causes me and what hurts worse is the pain I know it causes the people who love me. I just can't quit though. I'm not that strong. I'm barely strong enough to keep myself alive, and that isn't even for the sake of me....it is because the ones who love me don't deserve that kind of punishment. This and meds are the only things that give me enough strength to stick with that view. I'm so scared to try and quit because of what the consequences might be. I do know the risks involved and I know at the rate I'm going this problem may kill me. But it is what is keeping me alive right now, so I'm willing to take that chance. All I want is my question answered, not reasons to quit, or helpful solution to quitting, trust me I've read all of them and tried almost all. I hope maybe this has brought you some understanding of me....