Honesty is key to the therapeutic relationship. We are expected (required) to speak openly and honestly to our therapists and within the confines of therapy they should respond to us with the same honesty - of course they should be tactful and respectful of our feelings at the same time. That our therapists tell us the truth is an essential foundation really in creating a suitably trusting environment where we can 'tell all'.

I guess what I am saying is that honesty is one of the basic premises in therapy - in my view it is even more fundamental than in other types of relationships. I have a good friend who I know sometimes lies and spices up the truth. It would be nicer if he didn't feel the need to impress me in this way but I accept this aspect of him and it doesn't prevent us from being good friends. I would't think of confronting him on it - I just accept this is part of him. With my therapist it is different.

A couple of times my T has chosen his timing when telling me something - waited to tell me. Not exactly lying but in a sense keeping something from me that I had a right to know. At the time I felt cross but in retrospect I understood why he choose to hold off until the right moment.

My impression, Sunrise, is that you have a very close and trusting relationship with your therapist. Even at the risk of causing a rupture, surely it is the right thing to be honest about your feelings on this, however difficult it may be to confront your therapist. Then you will give him the chance to bring it into the open and resolve it. Otherwise a (perceived) dishonesty of one becomes a dishonesty of two. Of course you know the nature of the lie - if it was, for example, a matter of him making something up about himself to create a certain impression in you, this might suggest he is experiencing countertransference - that his desire for you to think of him in a certain way has taken over his primary concern of being a good, honest therapist.

In a way, if the lie is about him - a fabricated disclosure - it is perhaps less worrying than if the lie is about you, about how he feels about you or about agreements in terms of the therapy (saying one thing and later switching to another). Even if the lie itself doesn't directly intervene with the therapy I'd still bring it up as it could well indirectly affect the trust between you.

I hope you can talk about this and resolve it. I also think you should try to hold this in context with the many wonderful things your therapist does - his assets and skill.

Onzi