Hi Deborah,
My my... you are a patient lady. You have extended a lot of grace towards your husband. You must truly love him. I wish he would show a little more willingness to get help. As a fellow OCDer, I can vouch for the wonders that medication and therapy have done for me. Unfortunately, I can't give you much help in the marital advice realm. I haven't ever been married and do so much better by myself. Roommates even drive me crazy. I have to have a personal space that is all my own that I can retreat to. Does your hubby had a place he can hide? You cant' let him hide in there all the time, but that might help him be less frightened if he knows he has a room that only he goes to and is his haven. It was just a thought. I still think that his attitude toward therapy will need to change in order to make much progress. I wish he could find a friend that could lead him there. That's what happened to me. I was paranoid of psychology and part of my OCD was acted out in religious scrupulocity. It took hitting quite a brick wall for me to seek out help. Then I only sought help from christian pastors online. Fortunately, I ran into a couple of pastors who were able to identify my plight, gain my trust, and give me some direction out. I wish the best for you and your daughter. I am so sorry you have found yourself in such a situation. *HUGS* if wanted.