As usual, I've been playing in left field while the ballgame was being played...picking daisies and talking with Ferdinand, saying Wow! what a spin on that homer flying over my head...then looking at the magnificent blue butterflies...
Can ya tell I am easily distracted?

At the same time, my thoughts were simmering and finally made a damn good soup...I blogged about it a bit but wanted to share it here.
I hope no one minds when strange things come out of my stranger mind...and, yes, I know and accept that my mind travels all over the place.
I'm a seasoned traveler when it comes to pulling something out of an ordinary event.

Sitting on my patio watching the rain gently cleanse the leaves of the trees...how pretty they were, how shining and fresh...such a simple but taken for granted event.
It made me think about the dust I've been carrying around in my heart these past few weeks. Now one or two particles are not going to bend me; make it 56,009 of them and yep, I'm feeling the effects.

Those particles on my spirit? Little things I've been ignoring because I didn't think they were important enough to warrant my attention.
Well, they were since they bit my butt...big time 'cause I have a big butt.

Recently, I've been focusing on The Big Picture, the arrival at some magical place of Peace/Healing/Wisdom (oh, gag me with a spoon...or something like that?)

What about the little things that are right in my life?
The bits and pieces of peace that I've been blind to, discounted their importance...when in fact they are very, very important.
They have allowed me to get through many a 24 hours...

Jmo, but I need to be grateful for these bits and pieces. They hold me together, give me slivers of hope, tiny joys that light up my life.
If I am intent only on wearing myself out with determination that I Will Overcome, Be Well, Etc.
...how much I am missing.

After a few years of therapy, we were able to identify things, and a few people, that helped me survive those years of CSA.
As my therapist pointed out to me, there was something that kept me going, gave me some little presents that renewed my will to get through it.

Trigger Trigger Trigger...bypass if you are feeling...well you know your feelings; Honor Them.

Wild strawberries to eat when I was so hungry after not being fed...made to sleep outside because I was a bad little girl again, the dogs laid with me and warmed my body...locked in the cellar is when I made "friends" with the old washing machine and wedged myself between her and the wall and felt protected; that old machine to me was a jolly, round old lady that hid me...
I've no love of the penguins of those days...but Sister Mary Leonard, seemingly harsh and demanding, gave me the gift of loving music, especially classical music...I was enthralled when she swung back and forth with her eyes closed while she listened to the masters, then telling me off you go! I'll be back on whatever day of the week she was the music teacher...this woman never mentioned the bruising but would quickly but gently wipe off any dried blood with the prettiest white handkerchief...the one she gave to me and I still have it in my treasure box.

So, you see I was not alone in some ways. There were things/people who silently gave me enough love to make it one more day...
One More Day.

I no longer want to be ignorant of what there is in my life that is giving me enough love and power to get through my days.
When I am being battered by any number of things, there must be a part of my heart/spirit that looks for these tiny gifts.
It ain't all gonna be Huge Steps, Giant Leaps, Mother Teresa's Replacement, or The Ringleader of The Big Top...
it is going to be
an inch here, a foot there (preferably not in my mouth)
a song to bring out the boogie
taste of a new thing...last one was a lime with salt

oh my tiny trapeze artist; the little chickadee who lands on the line to the bird feeder, swings down and hangs upside down until he is ready to eat...wind blowing? he hangs on and swings back and forth
There is a lesson in his actions. One I am just learning...

Sometimes ya just gotta ride out the wild ride.
Scary? Yeah, I'd say so.
Make me say OS seventeen times? No, more like 52 million times...hey, at least I can count that high.
And sometimes counting that high takes my mind off things long enough to stop their scratching at me

The PC community has become one of those places that almost always offers me a safe place.
Enough caring and encouragement to get through another 24...giving, getting and not alway because I post. I've learned much from reading and learning from what is shared.

I don't want to take any of these bits and pieces of peace and waste them, ignore them, or shrug off their contribution to my emotional well being.

Isn't it a song, "Little Things Mean A Lot?"
Maybe I should make that a mantra of sorts and garner those little things and enjoy them?

In Peace, In Peace