Have to agree with both shadow and Miss_A.

You are self-medicating, Psyclox. Our addictions start out as fun... We drink and/or use to feel relief from our struggles and it works! If it didn't work, we wouldn't continue using. But then after so long of drinking and/or using, the fun high isn't really all that fun anymore and the relief pretty much stops. Why do we continue using after the fun and games have stopped? We've become dependant on our substance of choice. We no longer use/drink to have fun... We use to continue functioning and living.

It seems that's what's slowly happening to you, and I personally would hate to see another soul lost to the addiction of drugs/alcohol. Once you recognize you have a problem, you can then begin seeking help, and not from a bottle or a pipe or whatever drug you use aside from alcohol.

You seem like a good person who tries having good intentions in your posts, don't let that good person die with an addiction that's so strong. Please get help.