Hi Sunny- Im sorry I am so late to this thread. I read carefull through your replies and from what I gather it is all conjecture. You are certain, but not 100% that he lied etc. What about not waiting 3 weeks to bring it up? That to me seems excruciating. I can understand why you wouldnt want to bring it up in a phone call, but possibly it might give you some peace of mind. Do you ever email t?

I agree with what everyone had to say and the excellent responses you got. I am also a forgiving kind of person and believe that if someone lied (which there is a small chance he didnt) it is probably their difficulty in handling a way to say the truth. Usually I would not take it personally unless it was meant to hurt me (or I thought so).

The issue that seems not to have arisen very often with your t since you have such a close relationship. I can also avoid confrontation at all cost. But when I stick exclusively to my feelings and keep the focus on how I feel, without accusing, whatever it is comes out in an honest and direct way. Still, you now have to "do" a confrontaton and possibly put him in an awkward position. And then he would have to step up and not disappoint you again. And then what if he did? What if his respoonse to you didnt measure up? That would feel awful, hurtful and disappointing. Then possibly more confrontaton. And there goes the fantasy of a close, honest relationship- the idealized t. This is the worst case scenario. Just the worst possible outcome pushed to the extreme. With things like this, I go through what my feelings would be with the worst possible outcome.

It seems very unlikely that it would come to this with someone who is a model of how to handle conflict. I also tend to let things go that I should have said something about. But, you know, he is your t, and you have plenty of experience with him (and your) ablility to handle difficult topics together.