Dear Lea ~ I'm sorry you are going through so much pain and fighting such urges right now. It's good that you have a t. Can you go to the phone and call someone? Dress and go outside? Involve yourself with a comedy show? Go to the "Laughter is the Best Medicine" Group at this forum and read everything they have posted there. It is HI-larious and will keep you involved for a couple of hours. Caring For YOU ~ billieJ