Hello, I am "bipolar" too. I think you may be a bit paranoid. I was & medication helped me a lot to think more clearly & then be able to utilize the opportunities for wellness available to me (therapy & Dialectical Behavioral Therapy), but first I had to get to thinking rationally, which medication did for me.

Not diagnosing you!! But you might want to find a therapist & meds provider you feel comfortable with & TELL THE TRUTH about what you are thinking & feeling. You need someone who understands & can help you.

Plus, even if you have to go on a certain medication (like I was on an anti-psychotic) it doesn't mean you have to stay on it forever. I was on it so that I could think clearly & learn & benefit from therapy & now I'm off it as I can use the new skills I have learned therapy.

Take care & keep in touch...