Lightening...

You are establishing a very dangerous pattern that may be very difficult to break.

Personally I had a woman leave me (and cleaned out my bank accounts as well). I jumped into another relationship too quickly. And, during this relationship I had a few flings of sorts. No emotional bond at all, just physical release. I did that to escape the hell that was my life as a result of the fall out of this woman leaving me.

At any rate I didn't take the time to heal emotionally and I wound up not being a better person as a result. My rebound relationship was ruined because of my indiscresions. And, teh worse part about it is this "rebound relatioship" was with someone that was the best friend I ever had. Someone that I could of built a long, lasting love together with. Someone that I could of built a life with. And now that is gone.

And since it has been gone I have been furhter slipping into an abyss. More and more depressed, More and more suicidal.

Do yourself a favor and take a step back. Spend time alone. Learn who you are, what you want, what your goals are... learn the type of person you want to be with forever. Resist getting back with your ex for a while, but tell her how you feel. If it was meant to be forever she will wait for you.