I'm on my iPhone now... It's not the easiest way to browse the Internet, but that helps me minimize the time I spend on the regular Internet.
But I'm spending way too much time on second life... And it's getting me in trouble... :/
So tired... Too..

...did I put this in the school forum or in here and it got moved? I realized after I woke up from falling asleep as I posted this that I really didn't get my thoughts across... lol. Anyway, I was trying to decide between the two forums, because what I didn't elaborate on before is how I'm having trouble with my coursework from this... I feel like I'm in a fog, and my thoughts always wander back to Second Life - which if you don't know what it is, is a virtual world that allows anything from real life business interactions to faith gatherings to fund raising for organizations to RP to a creativity outlet to a community of people to be around to academic learning opportunities. It's fun and distracting, and the closest thing I've found to having much interaction with anyone; it's incredible the difference it makes just to be talking with people in a visual environment rather than a chat room. It's really consuming my life, but I can't get off it even if I were willing to because I've created my practicum as a project on Second Life, to connect people interested in learning and sharing the Anishnabek language in a place where they can communicate with it both written and through voice chat and other multimedia functions.

I've enveloped myself into the world, got into a pretty popular group where I learned the system and shot to the top ranks, created THE guide to the whole thing which I keep updated and distribute, and got elected to a special position that I hardly had to say I was running for because everyone knew me. I enjoy solving the puzzles and compiling the information and sharing it, I enjoy being liked and known by everyone in the group, and it distracts me from thinking about more difficult things. But it's nothing more than a distraction, and isn't fulfilling, the loneliness is still there.

I go to my classes and I'm so used to doing everything alone. My classmates are great, and I'd love to develop relationships with them, but I feel so foreign to their world, even as we share so much in common with our choices to persue MSWs. I wish I could organize some kind of open study group with them, but I don't remember when I see them... my mind blanks a lot lately... and I've never even been in a study group before.

I'm so tired. I tell myself I'll get off by a time, then stay up past then at least an hour. The grey skies sap my energy too. I really do feel like I'm stuck in myself, my head, cut off from the world around me.

And now it's hitting me how my mom is deteriorating. She's suffered from an attack this weekend, I watched as she spent her time utterly exhausted, trying to sleep but waking up about every 30 minutes with a coughing attack. She's been loosing her mobility, but it hasn't hit me so much because she remains up around the house, but rarely goes out. But it's hit me what's coming, how she's going to keep deteriorating and loosing her abilities to do things, missing out on the things she's been looking forward to with her grandson(my nephew) and any others that might come... and I can't imagine what it'll be like for her when she can barely even get around the house... and it's a "when" not "if''. She's not even 50 yet...

Anyway... yeah, I'm distracted. Guess I'll leave it there.