DE,

My Mother died 6 months ago from cancer which spread like wildfire after the surgery. She never admitted that she was dying because her surgeon was never truthful with her. I don't know if he thought she couldn't handle it or what, but he never was honest with me either. She only had hospice care in the nursing home 5 days before she died. They offered support groups for the family...being the only child...it was just me. I had so many other problems surrounding her death dealing with the trauma that the home care RN put me through while supposedly caring for my Mother. The support group seemed to be very helpful for others that went through the death of a relative. They are so professional in facilitating the groups. My problem is that I am not at the point of grieving yet.....I am still trying to sort out my fear from the trauma & the anger I have toward my Mother for getting us into that situation made expressing my feelings in a group like that totally inappropriate. My Pdoc & psychologists didn't know how to deal with trauma so I ended up floundering for months until I decided to go back to a psychologist I had 8 years ago.

There are many grief groups around, some associated with churches, others with hospice cares, hospitals, & some in communities provided situations. I can see where they are great to be able to communicate your feelings & be able to see how others are coping with their feelings. I talked with several of the hospice care people & they agreed that I need individual treatment because the situation was so different from others & getting through the fear I have because I don't know what the RN might do to me to protect herself from the police is constantly there when I am out in public. It was so hard for me because it seemed like no one could point me to a place for help or to someone who could help. I got pointed to finding an anorexia treatment center, then a PTSD treatment center, then nothing because I was physically & mentally so sick no one understood me & told me it was up to me to find what would help me.

I hope you can find the help that will provide you a way through your feelings. Find a group & go to it. You never know if it works unless you try. It is very good to get your internal feeling out & I'm sure you will find a feeling of freedom once you can do that. Talking with others who have gone through what you are dealing with is wonderful....I just wish I was lucky enough to find that.

I wish you the best in finding what will help you. It takes looking & trying, but don't give up....you will find what you need.

Debbie