Echoes- I think what I'll do is read the letter to ftt. And we can talk about what my experiences and feelings were. Even though I transferred my mother feelings to dt, they are powerful feelings. And very real to me. Im sure it will bring up alot about my childhood.

Did you really have the same experience with your mother? That is exactly what my mother would say, that she is trying to get away from me. "Ugh! This kid is going to be the death of me!" I felt ashamed I wanted her. And I probably immediately pretended/stuffed that I didnt care or need her. When I was writing the letter, it was as if I could have been writing it to my mother, especially the idealizing part. It does seem to me like there is a connection. It seems that way, but it isnt completely clear, if that makes any sense.

Dream- I dont know yet whether I'll send her anything. This letter was for me to get my feelings out, ftt said just to write, not to be concerned with content. Just write and see what comes out. I just kept writing and letting it go the extreme without censuring anything. I am surprised I didnt have too much anger. Mostly hurt and why did you do this or that kind of thing. I am surprised that I have been somewhat afraid of her. That came up, too.

I may send her something, I dont know. I am not doing anything yet. I'll process more and see how I feel.

Peaches- yes- there is so much material in that letter about my past. Its hard for me to bring up out of the blue different topics about my childhood so the letter is a good way to open up the conversation.

Breathing......