Thanks. I know i have problems and i really don't think i'll ever figure out how to solve them. I'm doing him a favor by pushing him away. I really care about him and so I know that he deserves better than me. He really seems to want to make this work cuz he gave up his entire life for this relationship. I can understand that, but i'm afraid i'll just continue to disappoint him. I don't know how to feel better. When we have these fights, he gets angry and frustrated and says some mean things and i really take it to heart. Then, i start questioning how he really feels about me. I have the hardest time letting go of past issues. I have tried to just forget it and it's not that simple. I can't seem to make myself think any differently. Yesterday, when we had a fight i got an anxiety attack and i hit my head on the wall pretty hard. I know that isn't a good way of dealing with things, but i don't know how else to deal with all of the pain. I don't really want to deal with it that way though. It's just a way of punishing myself. I do have a negative way of thinking as well, but i can't even see that i am being so negative much of the time. He told me he felt bad that i was being so distant, but that's a natural reaction of my depression. I just feel like i want to be alone sometimes, but at the same time i wish someone would act like they want me around. I didn't even see how much that i was being distant until he told me. It seemed like it was him that was being distant to me. It seems like any relationship is damaging to my mental health so maybe i should just be alone forever. I need him to express his true feelings to me. If he doesn't, then i am left to wonder how he is really feeling and i may assume something that isn't true. If he doesn't ever really open up to me, then i don't see how this is going to work out.